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Please let this be from The Onion

Homeland Security has advice for confronting mass murders: scissors

Is your workplace getting shot up by a crazed gunman?

No problem — just grab a pair of scissors and fight back!

That’s some of the helpful advice in a new instructional video from the Department of Homeland Security that was posted on the agency’s Web site just a month after the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.

Comments

  • Big Daddy says:

    It may sounds stupid but a pair of scissors is a pretty good weapon. Not as good as a knife but an effective weapon if the person has the violence needed to be effective with them. A baseball bat, even a pencil can kill. You have to have the courage to act, yes you may die but you can kill too. The 21 foot rule has validity to it. You must act with any weapon you have, only if you are willing to die so that others may live. They give the medal of honor for those actions during war. Would I do it, yes I would if I were in that position. Not many people would and I don’t blame them, it takes a lot of courage and violence to sneak up on someone with a gun and stick a pair of scissors in their eye socket or neck and fight them for the gun. Maybe get shot before you get close enough. The real question is should Homeland security be telling people to do this, I don’t think so. In fact it’s pretty stupid and unless you are trained in edged weapons some what and are capable of the violence needed you can be doing more harm. The best thing to do if in harm’s way is try to engage the person and tell them the names of the people they just killed. For instance you know Becky was a sweet girl and Tommy was a wonderful boy, he looks a little like you might have when you where a child. That might be more effective than trying to stab him in the eye with a scissor.

  • My face is in my palm…but I sense a new market for tactical scissors haha.

  • Squidpuppy says:

    Well, guess I’m up the creek then, because my workplace has an anti-weapon policy that’s so vague it can include scissors and letter openers, since they are “bladed”. I’ll have to resort to my ruler… oh wait, a ruler with a rubber band is a projectile device – I can’t have that at work either.

  • Gary says:

    No matter what anybody says, only armed people in social situations will be able to protect people and limit the casualities if crazies start opening up on them.

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